Love therapy - New site launches

www.Love-Therapy.ca has been launched to provide content to people looking for information about sex therapy, marital intimacy, love bonding in marriage and so on.

The therapy highlighted is emotionally focused couple therapy. The theory and practice of this was developed in Canada.

Create a silent divorce

One question covered is: What are the ways that we destroy love and intimacy and end up in silent divorce?

I discuss how lack of trust (fear) leads in to control. Then control destroys love. The question addressed is: "How does fear and control block marital intimacy and create the silent divorce?"

I focus in on the avoidant personality. This can be studied in John and Paula Sandford's book: Transformation of the Inner Man. They call this Flight from life.

But there is more than one personality type that avoids intimacy. So we look at the topic personality types that avoid intimacy. I write: There are 7 Types of Intimacy Avoiders - Which Group are You in?

On the positive side I add Twelve ways to Strengthen your Marriage Bond. In this I discuss the many ways that a person can allow and encourage the personal connection, the bonding, and the love connection that God intends for the marriage relationship.

Getting around to sex. The first page on sex highlights a recent study that shows that great sex is more about love and connecting.

Emotionally focused couple therapy secures couple bonding in 12 sessions

Am I married? A test.

A marriage ceremony and a marriage certificate does not guarantee that one is married if by married we are referring to the emotional connection that the Bible calls 'one flesh.'

If you come to me - a professional counselor - and share information that strongly suggests that you are in a marriage that is not a marriage, I might suggest the following things to do to clarify this issue.

1. Know yourself and your mission and values:
I would suggest you spend some time on your own life, your life's purpose, your life's values. Know who you are.

2. Look at, write down, all the signs, all the clues that indicate that you spouse is not married. One example is language. Do they use the language of 'we.'

3. Compare ambitions. Are you on the same page? Are you equally yoked or is one doing all the giving and the other is taking?

4. Are there major warning signs that this is not a stable healthy relationship? Is there an abusive component to the relationship? Does one partner always have to be right or in control? Does this mean it is nearly impossible to have constructive criticism, confrontation or raising of issues without getting derailed?

5. What is your vision for marriage? What is negotiable and what is nonnegotiable? Are you already being forced to compromise your core values in order to make this work? Is it unlikely that what you want in a marraige is going to happen? That you will always be doing your best to 'make it work.'

6. What is God's heart on marriage? I base my theology of marriage on John 15 and point to the spirit and truth of marriage as the secure bond, the unity and connection upon which one can build a life. My best guess is that God holds us accountable for the relationship and is not as concerned with the legalities and religious rituals. Think this through for yourself.

Silent Divorce - a Biblical reflection

Silent divorce is about a marriage where the partners still live together but have separate lives. It is married people living like singles.

Silent divorce may mean that the marriage partners almost never talk.
Silent divorce might mean that the sexual relationship has ended, but that is only part of it.

To understand marriage and to understand silent divorce, I want us to consider what is the fundamental spiritual truth that is key to God's heart for marriage.

What is the spirit and truth about marriage and silent divorce? Marriage counsellors now see that bonding, attachment, secure loving connection is key to understanding couple relationships. See Susan Johnson and Emotionally Focussed Therapy.

The Bible also values our bonding (clinging to) God and the bonding (one flesh) between man and woman.

How important is bonding to our relationship with God? I believe the Bible reveals that it is vital, in fact essential, to our souls, to eternal life. After all eternal life is defined in terms of an intimate relationship - as knowing God the Father and His Son, Jesus the Messiah (John 17:2 ).

The parallel truth is that bonding vital and essential to the truth and spirit of marriage.

Jesus makes clear, in John 15:2 that branches that bear no fruit are cut off by the Father. Such branches fail to remain united with God - the True Vine. "No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine." Jesus says "Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in Me."

The parallel truth is that the fruit God wants from marriage flows from bonding between husband and wife. God's Spirit and kingdom can flow from the vital oneness of man and woman.

John 15 says that branches that do not remain in the vine die and are cut off. What about a marriage where the vital connection is dead and the energy is all negative - a silent divorce.

In the case of silent divorce would a wise and loving God not want an end to a marriage that is dead - where bonding is broken?

If the life and health of the marriage partners is God's primary concern - not the 'holiness of marriage' - then (if the marriage is dead and children are not involved) I think God would want and end to pretense, to silent divorce so that life and love can flow.

More about silent divorce and bonding on www.HealMyLife.com: see Silent divorce and Bonding, marriage and silent divorce.