How to feel adequate

If you are not confident in yourself you will feel it. Others will feel it as well.

Some people will not feel adequate or competent because the lose the identity by focusing on pleasing others. This is classical People Pleaser or Performance Orientation.

Another type - the ones I call Super Responsible - (Parental Inversion by Sandfords) may also feel indequate. The reason, almost invariably, is the internal Judge that goes along with Super-responsible.

The Super responsible person may think everything that goes wrong is "My Fault." Associated with that quick 'my fault' is beliefs that 'something is wrong with me,' 'I'm bad,' 'I deserve to be punished' and 'I don't deserve good things.'

When something goes wrong with his performance, his achievement, his competative edge, or he is criticized, the People Pleaser goes into an immediate funk, depression, (or anger) state with beliefs like "I am no good," "I am unloveable," "nobody can love me" and "I am bad." This pattern is described more in The Program and the Pit.

One answer to feeling inadequate is The are adequacy is not of ourselves, says Paul(2 Corinthians 3:4), but our adequacy is of Christ. This helps one to stop focusing on self. That helps.

To some extent we decide how we see ourselves. We make choices to be and feel adequate. People then respond to our confidence. It starts with us.