Twelve ways to Strengthen your Marriage Bond

Twelve ways to Strengthen your Marriage Bond

There are many ways that a person can allow and encourage the personal connection, the bonding, and the love connection that God intends for the marriage relationship. God puts us together by providing these mechanisms. We tear marriage apart by avoiding these mechanisms. Avoid most of them most of the time and you may well succeed in putting asunder what God has intended to be together.

1. Make eye contact. Make eye contact when love-making.

2. Allowing togetherness - the afterglow - the calming down together - which occurs naturally after love making.

3. In conversation, allowing topics that are personal.

4. In conversation, allowing some problem solving, some confronting of the things that produce negative feelings.

5. Allow positive confrontation without abuse or name calling.

6. In conversation, responding to or acknowledging the other.

More about strenthening your marriage bond on www.HealMyLife.com

Anger management courses

Anger management courses are the new religion. There is a ritual required to appease the higher powers - police and courts.

Anger management courses provide intellectual exercises to deal with an emotional problem. Unfortunately, the emotional control centers of the brain override the cognitive centers in times of stress.

Anger management courses also require confession. On a regular basis, one must admit to one’s charges without protest. This confession of guilt helps provide absolution by the ‘higher powers.’

Anger management courses do not deal with some of the foundational issues underlying rage, violence and loss of control.

For men especially there is a need for a sense of personal empowerment. One needs to feel powerful rather than weak and vulnerable. Any request or confrontation by the woman may trigger painful feelings of being weak, vulnerable and without power.

This may manifest in a marriage in grabbing for the power – to be “King of the Castle.” This is one of the blocks to marriage bonding that I describe on www.HealMyLife.com.

True authority, an anger management course instructor might say, flows from a peaceful, calm sense of confidence. “Men, be the steady captain of the ship in a storm.”

Self-talk that is positive could help. Even if your partner is out of control emotionally, you can remain steady.

Self control is a sign of inner confidence. An Anger management course might give a person the self-talk script to remain confident in an emotional storm.

Idolatry of the Mind

On www.HealMyLife.com I describe idolatry of the mind and name it the "Autonomous Mind." I see this as a block to marriage.

Bonding in marriage, the close and secure connection upon which a marriage is built, is faced with a block to marriage, if the emotions are blocked. The person with an Autonomous Mind squelches emotions. Example, English 'stiff upper lip.'

So the "Autonomous Mind" syndrome is a block to bonding in marriage. Whatever blocks bonding in marriage will lead to the downfall of the marriage.

One of two things will happen. As bonding is blocked, or as the vital connection comes untethered, the marriage will end up in a divorce or an unrecognized state of marriage death called "silent divorce." See article on bonding, marriage and silent divorce.

If a woman is married to a man who operates as an "Autonomous Mind." She may become angry and frustrated with his constant intellectual and rational approach to life. She might long form a man that is more personal, warm and intimate instead of a silent divorce.

She may prod him to be emotional be getting him angry. She may wither into loneliness and depression. She may leave him, or get involved in an affair, searching for love, life and a secure relationship where her heart can safely trust in her man (Proverbs 31).

If in legal divorce we are recognizing a silent divorce, how would Jesus look at that?

Remember that Jesus looked at the motive of the heart and the true emotional and spiritual reality. Is silent divorce a time when He would say: "Marriage is made for man, not man for marriage?"

God is holy and can judge whether a marriage is sustained by a life-giving connection or not. God's will is for a life-giving connection to Him (John 15 - the Vine and the Branches) and for couples to live out and experience a life-giving and life-enhancing love relationship.

We are overly focussed on 'Holy Matrimony;' need to be more focussed on our Holy God.