Christian Marriage Counselling and Marital affairs

“How could therapists be more effective in dealing with affairs?”

In order to determine what would promote more successful experiences with counseling, respondents to
a Questionnaire were invited to  contribute (on an open-ended basis) whatever Comments (“Advice”)
they would like to pass along to therapists to help them be more effective in dealing with affairs.

Here is how marital therapists can be more effective in dealing with marital affairs according to couples who had been there.

 1. Deal directly with the affair, not just ordinary marriage counseling.
 2. Deal with the emotional impact of the affair.
 3. Don’t “blame” the affair on the hurt spouse.
 4. Be supportive of those couples who want to try to save the marriage.
 5. Don’t keep secrets or too quickly believe lies of the one who had an affair.
 6. See both parties together.
 7. Be aware of the impact of your gender/beliefs/experience on therapy.
 8. Don't expect the hurt party to forget the affair or "set it aside and go on."
 9. Help clients connect with others who have “been there.”
 10. Be well-informed about affairs and provide good information.
 11. Encourage honest communication and answering all questions.

The researchers go on to show that marriages stay together where the marriage partners have been able to discuss fully the details of the affair.

Christian marriage counsellors should respect the grieved partner's need of time, experience and careful discussion to regain trust.