Second marriage, Blended family?

Letter to George:

My husband and I were married two years ago both with grown children.  I never realized how difficult a relationship would be with grown children.  For some reason I thought they were all adults and it would be easier.  It appears much harder than I realized and I am seeking some kind of guidance.  Just wondering if you could direct me to a book or group.

Not sure if I am being selfish and not understanding how to deal with all the adult children which range in age from 27 to 39.  What my role is what i should or should not do or what I should or should not expect.  Being a mother of three I raised my children much differently and it is hard especially now that they are having grandchildren.  Just confused at times as to where my place is and what role I should be. Am I a grandmother of children born into my husbands children during our time together? just confused.

Any direction or book you could recommend would even be helpful

thank you

George' Response:

Blended families become very complex at a time then children are acting very differently from previous generations anyway.

My attitude is to act as a servant leader which means to help out first and pull my weight in the hope (patient hope) (enduring patient hope) that I may be recognized or have a voice at some point.

In this role my prime intervention is supportive of my spouse, prevent or block abusive interactions, focus on practical ways to contribute.  We have no 'rights.'

Consider yourself a 'step-grandmother' especially if someone gives you the title.  Do not grab any title, just wait.  Expect to have a lot of influence but by staying out of things and 'going about your business.'  Depend on the spirit to communicate who you.  Be steady, loving, orderly, patient, etc.  But mainly support your spouse.

Best.

George

Response: Wow George, very powerful. I believe practice of these items you outlined will be the most important thing i can do this year.

Thank you,

George Hartwell M.Sc. Christian counsellor provides Christian counselling ( counseling / therapy ) through 90 minute in person sessions at his office in Mississauga.  As a professional Christian Marriage counsellor George provides Christian marriage counselling counseling for couples in Oakville, Mississauga, Toronto, Ontario, Canada.